By Brittany S. Hewett, Ph.D.
Anyone who’s ever worked in early childhood education knows that communication is one of the biggest challenges — and one of the most important skills to master. Whether you’re chatting with a colleague about classroom dynamics, addressing a child’s behavior, or having a candid conversation with a parent about a developmental concern, communication is everywhere. But let’s be real: It’s not always smooth sailing. So how can we have more productive, emotionally intelligent conversations that lead to positive outcomes for everyone involved? Enter the STOP method.
This simple but powerful framework can guide us through difficult discussions and create a healthier, more collaborative atmosphere for both the people we work with and the children we serve. Let’s break it down:
S is for Safety: The Foundation of Any Good Conversation
Before diving into any conversation — whether it’s with a fellow educator, a supervisor, or a concerned parent — we need to first make sure everyone feels safe. Not just physically safe (though that’s important, too), but emotionally safe. When we feel safe in a conversation, we’re more likely to share openly, listen actively, and engage constructively.
In early childhood education, emotions run high. For example, if a child is having trouble adjusting to a new routine, that can trigger frustration for teachers and anxiety for parents. If we’re not careful, those emotional responses can muddy the waters, leading to defensive reactions or misunderstandings. That’s why it’s crucial to check in with ourselves before starting a conversation — and to be mindful of our body language, tone of voice, and how we’re reacting to what’s being said.
This also means acknowledging any potential triggers. Maybe a colleague has a history of sensitive topics or certain behaviors that you need to be aware of. Or perhaps there’s a pattern in a child’s behavior that, when discussed, stirs up emotions for the parent. Addressing these things upfront creates a sense of psychological safety, where everyone can show up as their authentic selves, without fear of judgment or blowback.
T is for Time: No Quick Fixes Here
We know that issues related to child development, behavior, or classroom dynamics don’t just pop up overnight. Whether it’s a pattern of challenging behavior or a shift in expectations from a supervisor, these things take time to develop — and they’ll take time to resolve.
When you’re about to enter a difficult conversation, it’s important to acknowledge that a quick fix may not be possible. Setting realistic expectations for the time and effort required for resolution will save everyone involved a lot of stress. For example, if you’re discussing a child’s ongoing struggles with separation anxiety, this isn’t something you can “solve” in one meeting. A series of conversations and interventions over time will likely be necessary.
In your conversations, don’t shy away from discussing the time commitment needed. “We may need to revisit this conversation regularly to track progress” or “This might require several meetings before we find a solution” — these are realistic statements that set a tone of patience and long-term effort. Communicating this upfront helps everyone involved manage their expectations and not feel overwhelmed when progress doesn’t happen immediately.
O is for Opportunity: Growth in the Midst of Challenges
The best conversations are not just about solving problems; they’re about identifying opportunities for growth. When challenges arise, they often come with hidden opportunities to improve practices, deepen our understanding, and build stronger relationships.
Take a challenging behavior, for instance. Maybe a child is regularly acting out in a way that disrupts the classroom. Yes, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. But in the process, we may also realize that the behavior is a cry for more structured routines, clearer communication, or additional support. Identifying this opportunity for growth — both for the child and for yourself as an educator — can lead to a more positive and forward-thinking conversation.
The key is to be proactive in finding opportunities early in the discussion. When you focus on growth rather than merely addressing the challenge, you shift the tone from one of frustration to one of optimism. Everyone involved will be more open to collaborating if they see that the goal is to grow together, not just to fix problems.
P is for Part: Everyone Plays a Role
No one likes to feel like a passive participant in a conversation, especially when it involves resolving a complex issue. Each person involved in the discussion needs to have a clear, specific part to play in moving forward. This not only helps with accountability but also increases everyone’s investment in the desired outcome.
Imagine you’re sitting down with a team of colleagues to discuss a new classroom management strategy. The supervisor might have one part to play (offering resources and support), while a fellow educator might be responsible for implementing certain practices, and you could be tasked with tracking progress. By clarifying who’s doing what, you avoid any confusion down the line and ensure that everyone knows exactly what’s expected of them.
This can also apply to working with families. Let’s say you’re meeting with a parent to discuss how their child is adjusting to the classroom. In addition to your observations and recommendations, it’s important to identify how the parent can contribute to the solution. Maybe they’ll try some strategies at home to reinforce the new skills the child is learning. By defining each person’s part in the conversation, you increase the likelihood of a successful outcome — and everyone feels like they’re part of the process.
Bringing It All Together: STOP for Better Communication
By incorporating the STOP method into your communication, you’ll be equipped to handle even the trickiest conversations with grace and clarity. Whether you’re talking with a supervisor about your professional development, discussing a child’s needs with their family, or problem-solving with a colleague, focusing on Safety, Time, Opportunity, and Part will make those conversations more productive and supportive.
So the next time you’re preparing for a challenging conversation, stop for a moment. Breathe. And ask yourself: Is everyone feeling safe? Do we have enough time to address this thoroughly? What opportunities can we uncover in the process? And what part will each person play in resolving this issue? With these questions in mind, you’ll foster a culture of respect, collaboration, and continuous growth — both for you, your co-workers, supervisors and the children and families you serve.
